We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way, but in the end, acceptance is the key to freedom. Acceptance of who I am, wholly and completely, sets me free. Until I could accept and admit my disease, I could not overcome or move forward. Until I could accept the boys would never live with me again, I could not stop fighting or making chaos for Mr. Ex. Those scenarios both took years to internalize and accept. My ego was the size of Texas, so I couldn't admit those things to myself or anyone else. God No!
I spent the first part of my life pretending to be who I thought you wanted me to be, or who I "should" be. All superficial. All smoke and mirrors. All in an effort to conceal who I really was, out of FEAR. I believed in my soul that if I showed people the REAL me, they would reject that version. A fear-based life is an empty one. Being afraid of my story kept me sick for years. Being afraid of people left me alone in a crowded room and being afraid of living just left me paralyzed.
And then someone asked me, "What would it be like to be free?" Free from the bondage of addiction, free from self-loathing and punishing myself, and freed to live a life of purpose. That was my first breakthrough. I wanted that. I wanted to give myself the gift of being honest with myself, so I could LIVE. In that moment, I had begun to manifest my freedom and had no idea!
I would love to say the process was easy, but it wasn't. It took TIME, hard work and a lot of compassion for myself. It was several years into my own self-discovery journey before I could look at my own eyes in a mirror, and a year beyond that before I truly even "liked" myself. (I should say, it doesn't have to be as hard as I made my journey...I typically take the path of most resistance, roll around in the muck and misery for a bit, then I become teachable, ha!).
I get to acceptance much quicker these days because I know that's where I find freedom and the ability to release and let it go. Acceptance is easier when I understand what is in my own circle of control, which is always very little, and when I make the choice to be happy over being right or understood.
Accept yourself, warts and all. Change what needs changing and embrace the rest. Be authentic. Be REAL. Then go live the life that was meant for you.
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